My mother had other sayings aside from the one about the dryer. She came from a family of smart asses. They were indeed smart though, so bonus on the genetics there (once the testing confirms that I am in fact related to these people).
I had heard my mothers family come up with wonderful lines of their own, lines that she and I still use. At the heart of any of them, was a lesson or a laugh, often both. My gramps was a quiet man who would rarely speak (most likely due to lack of chance) but when he did, it was worth listening. I can remember him telling me, “You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.”
So true. I can also recall farting in front of him when I was an early teenager and being mortified. He didn't skip a beat and said “where ever you go, let the wind blow free.” (Warning: I believe strongly is this statement).
My grandmother used to say “Every dog has it's day, and a bitch has two afternoons.” (no, seven is not to young to hear the word bitch.)
It is thus no wonder that my mother has a delightful collection of her own sayings. She would always ask me two very important questions growing up, “do you walk to school or take your lunch?”, and “do you sleep in the nude or with the lights on?”
Crazy? Yes. Impossible to answer, you get creative after being asked on such a regular basis. My mom, is a very smart woman. She is kind, compassionate and hilarious. People are drawn to her brightness. She is a force to be reckoned with and has great power. As you know, with great power, comes great stupidity (at times)
My family was able to go on vacation every year, whether it be a cottage or down the east coast and I appreciate how lucky that makes me. It was a time for bonding, sharing stories, having adventures, and getting the car washed somewhere before checking in anywhere. Unfortunately for my mother, it was usually a time she would make a statement that would haunt her for the rest of her life. (when in the company of any family member).
Any time the family went away, we saddled into the family car and prepared ourselves for road trip fun. This is where all the magic tended to happen. I am not sure which car ride it occurred in, could have been somewhere around Bancroft Ontario, could have been driving through the fields of giant crosses in West Virginia, but it happened, and it happened on our way there.
Jokes can really the pass time when driving in a car of maniacs. How else would we pass the time? It was customary in my family for all parties in the vehicle to provide humour to any riding passengers. It was good times, I use many of the jokes to this day. My father had a knack for telling non age appropriate jokes, or non PC ones, and had been warned many times by my mother to not expose the children to such garbage (FYI, the jokes I tell to this day are mainly the one's my father should not have told me, but since it was so traumatic, I will never forget them).
On this occasion, my dad pitched in a common but appropriate joke. It's the ever popular: horse walks into a bar, bartender asks, why the long face? At the time of the joke, it was new to us all, and my sister and I let out giggles in support of a well told joke from the back seat. My mom however, looked puzzled.
“I don't get it.” she said.
“What's not to get?” replied my father.
With that, the car went silent and my mother stared intensely out the window. She was clearly trying to figure the joke out, and with the added silence I could feel myself wanting to burst into laughter. I knew it was not the time to laugh, and so clearly, I wanted too (this also occurs in churches, lecture halls and after car accidents)
After a long and painful silence, I could see my mothers pursed lips curl into a smile.
“Oh I get it!” she excitedly exclaimed, “he walked into the bar.” And with that motioned to smacking herself in the face, which would clearly make any face long.
The silence this time was very brief, and broken by my father, sister and I filling the car with outrageous snorts and snickers and in my case tears. My mom sadly joined in, assuming we were all laughing at the joke again, and not the fact that she had missed the point where horses, have long faces.
My mother is a smart woman, and yes sometimes all that smart stuff takes up to much space and simple things are lost on her. The lines she has come up with over the years have filled the family with joy, all at her unfortunate expense.
If ever a quiet moment takes over Christmas dinner, or and hush comes over the family in a time of sadness, if ever a speck of silence sneaks into the family, it is sure that one of us, will jump in with a statement of hers and we all laugh.
So go on, say it loud and proud explain “don't ya get it? He WALKED into the bar?”
I know there is always a time we say something stupid, and the minute it sneaks out we wish we could take it back, but don't. Don't wish that for a moment, because you have just succeeded, in making someone else’ day. If it's a really good one, lifetime.
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